


Any Other Way

by aelrose



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Awkward Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-15 03:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19287469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aelrose/pseuds/aelrose
Summary: The Sole Survivor has worked for months to find her kidnapped child and ends up finding him in the most unlikely position. She has confronted her son and now must confront the consequences of her own decisions with the help of Nick Valentine. She may end up discovering something deeper than she expected.





	1. Look Like Hell

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after Shaun's reveal without the events of Far Harbor (and past Valentine's personal quest.) I hope you enjoy!

A gasp escaped me, and, in the blink of an eye, I was back. The familiar scent of mildew and nuclear waste filled my nostrils before my eyes could adjust to the harsh lights of the signal interceptor. Blindly, in an attempt to land my footing, I grasped forward into the air and fell gawkily to my knees. Finally, I was able to start to make out the scenery of the wasteland around me - the Starlight Drive-in. Mercer Safehouse. Home.

“Are you alright?” I turned my head at the sound of Nick Valentine behind me.

Leaned up beside him, hands resting gently on his gun holster, Deacon came into view. It became apparent to me upon seeing him that the rest of the Railroad leaders who had sent me off must have left sometime after I did, likely so they wouldn’t have to see me torn to pieces by faulty teleportation in the event Tinker Tom really couldn’t get it working properly. Bastards.

I took a shaky step up off the ground, leaves sticking to my pants as I weakly tried to pull myself up.

“Hey, hey - easy there, tiger. Take it slow.” Deacon remarked, moving with Nick to either side of me for support.

“What happened back there? You look like Hell.” Nick grimaced.

“I…”

Shaun. I closed my eyes and I saw him. My Shaun, my baby - only weathered, with 60 years on his back. And evil. No - not evil. Misguided. I had to tell myself that. Because the thought of him as the monster of the Commonwealth...my stomach lurched as my knees buckled beneath me once again.

“I think I need to lie down.”

Valentine sighed, “I’d say so.”

And with both of them helping me to my feet, they guided me through the junk fence I had set up behind the old drive-in screen towards one of the shabby, nearly-finished buildings in the settlement. Over the past couple of months when I wasn’t busy searching for my son, I occupied my time with providing services to the Commonwealth - whether it was via gunfire or diplomacy depended on my mood.

But now...things would be different now.

Valentine set me down on one of the moldy couches in the building as Deacon lingered in the doorway.

“’ Gotta say, I didn’t expect you to make it all back in one piece.” He smirked, leaning against the frame.

“I nearly didn’t,” I breathed, resting my head against an old, straw pillow in my lap.

“So, how did it go? Did you find what you were looking for?”

I was suddenly reminded that I hadn’t told the Railroad why I was doing what I was, or who I was doing it for. They seemed satisfied enough that I was someone with a Courser chip and a vendetta against the Institute, so it didn’t really come up. Valentine twitched, realizing this as well, before turning to Deacon nonchalantly.

“Hey, uh - why don’t you go get Y/N some water? It’d probably do her some good.”

“Ah, sure,” Deacon mumbled, turning on his heel, “just don’t get to the juicy stuff without me, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure.”

In one swift movement, Valentine urged Deacon out and closed the door behind him. And we were alone.

His footsteps lightly made their way across the room, the scuff of his shoes stopping just short of where I sat on the couch. He knelt, and I could feel him close to me. But I didn’t look up. I could tell he was waiting for me to talk, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say, what would be a good segue. Then, for the first time since I left Vault 111 - the first time since I had laid in the ruins of my house in Sanctuary my first night out - I cried. Softly, at first. But I didn’t try to hide it, and Valentine could see it. I was too fucked up to care.

“So, it went that well, huh?” He shook his head. Then, very gently, he added: “Is your boy…?”

He avoided saying dead. Of course, he was wrong, and I knew he was wrong, but I couldn’t contain the pain I felt from even just the notion of it. Because yes, in a way, my boy was dead. Shaun was dead the moment the Institute laid hands on him. Maybe even the moment we crammed him into a cryopod with Nate.

“He-...” I whimpered, looking away from Nick’s eyes, “He’s alive.”

“Then that’s good, isn’t it?”

I shook from the sobs rolling out of me. How could I tell him? How could I tell anyone? I broke down, my heart aching with every second that passed. It wasn’t long before Valentine had holstered himself onto the couch and maneuvered his cool arms around my body, pulling me into his shoulder. And there I sat, crying into Nick like my life depended on it - almost as if I was afraid he’d disappear if I let go. It brought back memories of Nate the night before deployment. I held onto him tighter.

“It’s okay, you’re alright,” He cooed, his hand carefully rubbing my back, “We’re gonna get through this - whatever it is.”

As if on cue, the door swung open behind us. I didn’t look up, but I heard a very distraught Deacon exclaim, “Hey - what did I miss!”

-

“So, what you’re telling me is that this whole time you were just looking for your son, who, as it turns out, is actually-”

“The Director of the Institute. Yes.”

I could hardly believe the words myself. Deacon had stayed relatively quiet through my explanation, which was a feat in and of itself, but now seemed to be processing it all at once. I glanced over to Valentine who leaned against a crudely constructed table, flicking some ash from his cigarette into a small tray. I couldn’t read his face, but he seemed just as shell shocked as Deacon.

“Shit. Well, that’s...rough.” Deacon commented, obviously at a loss for words.

"I just don’t know what to do,” I rubbed my eyes, hoping to hide the remaining tears from earlier that was left pooling, “He seemed genuinely happy. To see me.”

Deacon paused, before chirping up, “How do you know that the Institute’s not just trying to pull the wool over your eyes? That’s kind of what they’re known for.”

“I thought the same thing at first, but…” I closed my eyes, seeing that man where my son should have been, “He looked just like his father, except older. And he had my eyes. It was him, I could feel it.” I whispered.

“I’ve learned that a mother’s intuition is seldom wrong about these things.” Valentine sighed, putting out his cigarette. “I’m so sorry.”

“No use being sorry,” I mumbled, “There’s nothing I can really do about it. I just have to...augh!”

With a frustrated growl, I threw myself back onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling. What was I going to do?

“He wants the Commonwealth to be better, but he’s delusional. How can I infiltrate my son’s work and just...destroy it all? Everything he’s worked for?”

“You still going to go through with that?” Valentine asked, a surprised lilt to his voice.

“I have to. Who else will? I’m the only one with unhindered access to the Institute, so if I don’t do this those synths in there will never stand a chance.”

“And there’s no way you can convince your son to join us?” Deacon asked. A shudder crept up my spine. The conversation Shaun and I had was brief, and he was very to the point. But the things he said.

“The way he talked about them...like they were property.” I sat back up, clutching the straw pillow close to my chest.

“No. He would never betray the Institute.” 

I noticed Valentine shift uncomfortably on the table he was sitting against. I understood why - after all, I made the person who was raised by his tormentors, and who would probably do the same to any other synths in the Institute. It was unnerving.

“Well, I’d better report this to Desdemona.” Deacon bounced himself off the wall, making his way towards the door. “I’ll leave out the son being the director bit, so you can tell her yourself. Only seems fair.”

"Thanks. Travel safe.” I gave him a weak smile, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“I always do. You take your time getting back to HQ, okay? I’d say you’ve earned yourself a vacation.” Deacon smiled back. He noticed.

“Thanks, Deacon, you’re good people. We’ll be seeing you.” Valentine moved to close the door behind Deacon, escorting him out.

“Of course. You take care of her, Mister Valentine.”

“I intend to.”

With that, Valentine and I were alone again. He moved away from the door, hanging near the center of the room to give me space. He was always so considerate.

“Would it be stupid of me to ask how you’re doing?” He said cautiously.

“No, but I wouldn’t really have an answer for you.” My eyes wandered down to my hands, hoping that if I kept my gaze down it would distract me.

“Your thoughts?”

“Well, you’re holding up a lot better than most would in your situation. So, hat’s off to you.”

I laughed bitterly, feeling my heart twinge. “Gee, thanks. That makes me feel a lot better, Valentine.”

“Alright, smart ass. I was just trying to give you a little solace.” He grumbled, although he sounded amused.

He took a few steps closer, before completely sitting on the couch next to me.

“What can I say? Being a smartass is part of my charm.” I remarked, some of the fog lifting off of me for a moment. Valentine smiled.

“At least your sense of humor isn’t broken. Now that really is something.”

It grew quiet, but not tense. I barely thought during this quiet, and for a moment I wasn’t sure if I even could think. But my head was killing me, either from the shock of everything that had happened or being taken apart and put back together for the first time.

“Hey uh, I don’t want you taking all of this to heart, okay? Everything with Shaun, I mean.” Valentine spoke, and when he said Shaun I felt my heart stop for a moment. Shaun, my baby. My chest hurt.

“What do you mean?” I asked, meeting his soft, yellow eyes.

"What I mean is that none of this is your fault, no matter how much you want to feel like it is,” He sighed, “You didn’t do this to him. There’s nothing you could have done and no way you could have known.”

Tears welled up in my eyes again, and I turned away from him, so he wouldn’t have to see me be weak.

“I don’t know,” I choked, “I just can’t help but think that…” I trailed off, lost in thought.

Something I thought the moment I saw Shaun, the moment I teleported back. The moment I realized everything I had been working towards was a blatant lie. I couldn’t just say it, though, because it sounded dramatic. Then again, that’s what this whole situation was. Dramatic. Like a damn radio play, except instead of me being the Silver Shroud I was just another pawn in the Institute’s game.

“You can’t help but think what?” Nick insisted, probably able to come to the conclusion himself.

“It’s nothing.”

“No, say it,” he urged, “I want to hear it.”

Shakily, I took a deep breath and closed my fists on my knees.

“I just can’t help but think that if we had all died - me and my family back during the bomb - instead of blindly following Vault-Tec…” I felt tears cloud my voice, “Maybe everything would be better off, you know? The Commonwealth might be safer for everyone.”

It was quiet. Nick shook his head slowly as he processed this.

“Oh no, no...Y/N, that’s…” He sounded noticeably upset. But I didn’t care. In some way or another, it was the truth.

“If my family hadn’t survived the blast, the Institute wouldn’t be nearly as big a threat to life out here. If I had died, everyone would just be better off.”

My words echoed against the small, drafty walls that barely held up the roof over our heads. Candles flickered softly, and the only indication that we were in a settlement full of people was the distant sound of a radio from a few buildings over. It suddenly occurred to me that anyone passing by might hear me, and for that, I felt a deep shame. For what exactly, I wasn’t sure. My head pounded as I thought over my own words. Even without context, there was some undeniable truth to it. Everything I had done was in vain. Signing up for Vault-Tec and hiding away in a vault didn’t matter because they shot and killed my husband. Looking for my son didn’t matter because the Institute raised him to be a synth-hating monster. And me? What did all of this do for me? Covered in bumps, scars, bruises. Affected nearly daily with radiation poisoning, only motivated by dead ends and empty promises. I died as soon as the bomb detonated just past Boston, maybe even a little before that.

Yes, I concluded. Everyone would have been better off.

“I wouldn’t,” Nick spoke up, looking at the ground. “I’d be-”

“In that Vault, I know.” I sighed, shaking my head, “But you’re missing my point. You wouldn’t have-”

“I was going to say alone.” He snapped quickly. “I’d be...alone.”

I blinked. That wasn’t the response I expected. “Oh…” I said.

And that was all I could say for a minute. Oh. Until my brain caught up with my mouth.

“No, you wouldn’t have been. You would have Ellie.” I claimed.

“Ellie is my assistant, an employee,” Nick spat, quick to interject, “Before you came along I was just an old synth who had somehow stepped out of time. All I had were this dead cop’s memories and an inclination to do some good.”

I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t know what to say. He continued. “Sure, some folks in the community liked me, but really I was on my own from the moment I woke up in a garbage pit as a hunk of scrap and wires. When you pulled me out of that vault, something changed. I had someone who, not only had that same inclination for justice but had also stepped out of time herself. And she decided to take me along for the ride.”

My head pounded as the familiar brush of a trench coat trailed against my leg. I looked up at him now, seeing the pleading in his face. I didn’t realize how upset all of this would make him.

“Nick…” I murmured, feeling his cool hand interlock with my own.

“You’re my first friend. Not Nick’s, not some synth’s, but mine. What you did with Eddie Winter for Nick, for Jenny...and for me...there’s no way I can ever pay you back. You don’t know how much that means to me. And I’m sure there are a lot of people in the Commonwealth who feel similarly to how I do.” He sighed, “You’ve done a lot of good. So, don’t sell yourself short.”

His expression was soft.

A sad smile crept onto my lips. “Careful there, Nick. I might start thinking you actually care.” I laughed softly.

“Of course, I care,” He smiled in return, “Don’t start getting dumb on me.”

“Never.”

I looked down at our hands, feeling an uneasy feeling creep through me. It was comfort. I felt comfortable.

“I’ll save you the suspense,” I admitted, “I care about you too. So... thank you. For everything.”

It had grown quiet again. A comfortable silence, like it always was with us. I just never knew that it was comfortable until now. It was always on the tip of my tongue, an after-thought that had never come to fruition until now.

Nick’s free hand, mostly thin and broken, pressed gently against my chin, tilting my head up so that I could meet his gaze. Even though he was a synth, there was something stirring deep inside those eyes - and then gently, he pressed his lips against mine. They were softer than I could have imagined, and before I knew it my arms were wrapped around him to bring them closer. We moved together as if programmed to do so, as his other hand left mine to cup my face. His skin, although synthetic, felt noticeably real compared to the rest of him. Maybe it was because of his design. Maybe it was because it was Nick. As I slowly pulled our lips apart to look at him, I noticed a distinct taste of tobacco and copper in my mouth. His eyes slowly fluttered to meet mine - and we were only moments apart.

“Uh…wow.” I breathed, closing my eyes again to take in the moment. My skin felt hot. I couldn’t decide why.

“I-” Nick started but caught himself on something. Sincerity flickered in his expression.

“I’m...I’m sorry.” Before I saw him move I felt the chill of his absence.

I opened my eyes to see him moving away from the dusty couch, towards the front door of the building.

“What?” Confused, I attempted to stand up, but soon felt discouraged with my muscles aching from every movement.

I relaxed back onto the couch, hoping to give my body some reprieve. Valentine lit a cigarette, stoic as always as he hung in the doorway.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He shook his head, the click of his lighter engulfing his cigarette in flames.

“What are you talking about, Nick?” I scoffed. “That was-”

“A mistake.” He spoke loudly, hoping to cover up whatever I was about to say. His voice cut like the final nail in a coffin.

“It won’t happen again,” He took a drag from his cigarette, “I promise.”

My skin was burning, stinging, but I didn’t make a sound.

“You should probably get some rest, you’ve had a long day. I’ll leave you alone.” I peeked at his silhouette in the doorway as he exited, closing the door behind him, until I slowly blacked out into unconsciousness.


	2. Case Officially Closed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sole Survivor wakes up, however not exactly when she had expected to. In order to resolve her feelings with Nick, and to move forward on her mission to take down the Institute, she must convince the synth to talk about what happened the other night.

The bright sun glared into my eyes as I emerged from the decrepit, unrefined building and onto the hot asphalt. My Geiger counter clicked quietly as a light breeze swept over my skin. Not ideal, but better than it had been while building. At the very least it was a good day to work on the shops in the settlement.

My eyes squinted through the harsh light to see a group of settlers across the way. For a moment I thought they were pointing at me, but I didn’t want to stare at them, so I quickly turned and went on my way.

“Good morning, mum!”

I jumped, grimacing at the loud synthetic voice of Codsworth moving towards me. I didn’t realize how sensitive my ears were.

At least my head wasn’t pounding nearly as bad.

I looked at Codsworth’s shiny surface and realized he had been sitting - well, levitating? - outside of the door to the house I was in. There were marks in the ground from his soft flames.

“Codsworth. Were you waiting for me?” I inquired, noticing him moving closer as if to examine me.

“Why of course, Mister Valentine told me to keep an eye on you.”

“What? How come?” I furrowed my eyebrows. I had almost forgotten about what happened with Nick, then again, I had only been awake for a total of ten minutes.

“Well everyone has been more than a little worried for your well-being on account of your absence.”

“My absence? You mean the signal interceptor thing, right?”

My eyes scanned the settlers passing by, seeming to whisper to one-another

Something felt off.

“No, no! Miss Y/N, you’ve been asleep for nearly three days.”

I coughed, jolting myself out of my train of thought.

“What the fuck? Are you serious?”

“Language, mum.” Codsworth sighed, his servos clicking with disappointment. “At first when we found you we thought the worst, but you were breathing so we brought the settlement’s former doctor over.”

Urgently I turned the dial on my pipboy to see that, indeed, three days had passed. He was right. Which explains pretty much everything from the moment I walked outside. Even still, I thought again: what the fuck.

“Wait - settlement’s _former_ doctor?” I looked up from my pipboy.

“Well, of course, we had to ‘let him go’ after he spewed some nonsense about it being from radiation poisoning. Luckily, we had someone else step in to check your vitals and they said you would be up and at ‘em at in no time, and here you are!”

“I didn’t realize. I guess teleportation can really take it out of you.” A small laugh escaped me from the absurdity of it all. “Well I’m not dead, so I’m sorry for the worry.”

“No need to be sorry, mum - we’re all just happy to see you up and around. What with all of the commotion you caused while passed out, I nearly had to pull Mister Valentine off of that quack to keep him from choking the poor man to death.” Codsworth ticked joyously despite the negativity in his final statement.

I must have really been out to warrant that kind of reaction from Nick Valentine - Mister Selective Pacifist of the Commonwealth - of all people. Nick Valentine, the enigma of the hour. I may have felt physically better now, but there was still a lingering pain in my chest from the other day.

I wasn’t sure why. Yes, I was still upset about Shaun. I was never going to not be upset about Shaun. But that would numb and eventually subside, or at least it would have to for me to finish my job. When all was said and done, I would have to do the right thing at the cost of whatever fucked up wreckage remained of my nuclear family. This was inevitable.

What didn’t help was having one of the most important people in my life sending me mixed signals.

I looked back - why did I care so much? Did that kiss between us really mean anything other than a few misplaced sparks in a rough patch? It really hadn’t been that long since I lost Nate and considering the trauma I’d been through in a very short amount of time it could have been sending my hormones into overdrive. It was hard for me to deny that I cared about Nick. But to the extent of romance? I hadn’t really thought about it until last night honestly. Or rather, three nights ago. Even so, there was something undeniably natural about us in nearly every capacity, whether it be our professional partnership or just being together - but especially and surprisingly that kiss. Something about that felt very, very natural.

_And good,_ I thought. _I can’t forget good._

For a moment I’m snapped back into reality, with Codsworth floating in front of me.

Right. I was talking.

“Sorry. Uh, where is he, by the way? Valentine, I mean.” I asked, putting aside everything to bring up later.

“Last I saw him he was over at the diner, looking over some files or other. I really do think you should go see a doctor first before going-”

“Thanks, Codsworth. We’ll talk later.” I said, immediately turning on my heel to the diner behind me.

“Wait, mum! I insist you see a doctor!”

I ignored his cries with every step I took. Part of me felt bad since Codsworth just wanted what was best for me, but I promised myself I would make it up to him later.

Over the lot, I could see a ratty fedora poking through the busy scene of the settlement. Although I hadn’t been with the Railroad too long, I worked extra hard to give the synths a comfortable place to call home while they waited for transportation. I’m not sure why I went out of my way to make synths comfortable - maybe it had something to do with relating to feeling out of place, or maybe even just wanting to spite the Institute itself. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter why I was doing it because I knew what I was doing was right.

The lot itself was big enough once most of the junk had been cleared. Setting up a water purifier in the middle where a giant water-hole was ended up being the best idea aside from setting up a makeshift mall for vendors next to the farm. That left the diner, which was still in surprisingly good condition given it’s stood for 200 years, so I decided to leave well enough alone and refurbish it to its own fully functioning diner, similar to the noodle stand in Diamond City.

Of course, it didn’t pick up as much business, but damn if it didn’t look nice.

Nick sat at a small stool outside of the stand, seeming lost in a pile of papers I didn’t even realize he had brought with him. As soon as I was within ten feet of him, my feet slowed to a cautious pace. From what Codsworth had told me it didn’t feel like he was still upset but pretending like I had any clue what Nick must have been thinking is like saying that I thought the world would ever fully recover from nuclear warfare - a pretty lie at first, but undeniably incorrect.

What was I so nervous about? This was Nick. Valentine. My friend. My partner. I had nothing to be worried about. But why did my stomach tie up in knots at the thought of confronting him about it?

“Nick?” I awkwardly bleated, feeling my throat tense up as soon as I began speaking.

He turned quickly, with an urgency I had only seen come from him a handful of times. A cigarette hung loosely from his hand as he turned to greet me, although he seemed admittedly troubled.

“Y/N. Glad you’re finally up.” He smiled, and for a moment relief washed over me.

“Yeah, sorry to worry you. Codsworth just told me I was out for three days?”

“Doctor at first tried to say you were dying of radiation poisoning. Dumbass...as if he’d know radiation poisoning.” He grumbled, turning back to his papers.

I took that as an invitation to steal the seat next to him, settling down to talk.

“I heard we have a new guy now,” I commented, carefully eyeing one of the documents closest to me. Old detective case files from what I could see.

“Yes, but before him, I had to borrow Doctor Carrington from Railroad HQ. Ran halfway across the Commonwealth - I was surprised he even agreed to come, but I knew we needed someone who knew our situation,” He sighed, setting down his cigarette to shuffle through some paperwork, “He said you were just experiencing some side effects from the teleportation. Even gave you a clean bill of health otherwise.”

“That’s good to hear.” I smiled. “Sorry for the trouble.”

“As if trouble is anything new,” He remarked, “You were out for a while.”

“Yeah that’s me,” I laughed, “The expert of passing out for longer than I expected.”

It grew quiet between us, and not in the way it had always grown quiet. This time it was harsh. Nick didn’t laugh. He didn’t say anything. He just looked at his folder, marked “classified,” and flipped through some papers. Either he really was still upset with me or it was just a tough crowd today.

“Now that you’re up and around,” he said, bursting me from my spiral, “there’s something I actually wanted to talk to you about.”

My mouth went dry. This was it.

“Yeah? What’s up?”

Absently my hands had been playing with the corners of a folder near me. I watched as he gently scooted it back towards him, pulling all of his papers into a neat pile.

“I’ve just been thinking...now that you’ve found your son, I guess you could say this case is officially closed,” Nick stated, a distance seeping into his voice I had never heard before.

“Yeah...I guess you could say that.” I replied hesitantly, watching him now occupy himself with his cigarette.

“So, you probably don’t need to keep me around anymore.”

“No, I guess I probably don't.” I replied dryly, “But I want to.”

He didn’t look up, only continued to quietly organize papers to himself.

“But I don’t.” Nick sighed, “I think it’s time we parted ways.”

My blood ran cold and suddenly, the entire world stopped. There’s no way he was serious.

“Oh really?” I scoffed, “You’re really going to run away?”

“I’m not running away - in fact, I’ve been running. From my work.” He growled. “Traveling with you is fun and all but I’ve been neglecting a lot of cases that need to be solved. So, I have to leave. It’s as simple as that.”

“Nick, don't be like this,” I pleaded, my hands reaching towards his papers. He pulled away quickly, playing it off as putting the stack to the side. I shook off the pain that caused me. “Who else am I going to travel with?”  
“Not sure, but you’ve had a lot of offers. Why not Deacon? Or even Hancock out of Goodneighbor? They all seemed eager to go explore.” Nick got up from his seat, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray nearby.

I followed suit, standing up and walking after him.

“I don’t want to travel with them,” I called out, frustration peeking into my voice. “I want to travel with you.”

He paused, before turning over his shoulder.

“Not everything’s about you Y/N. You’ve been out in the Commonwealth, you see how many disappearances and mourning families there are. Hell, you’ve even helped some of them.” He started towards me, pulling me close as to keep our scene contained. “You know more than anyone else what those people are going through. And I’m supposed to - what, ignore them so we can galivant across the ruins of Boston together?”

I stared into his eyes and saw someone else looking back. Not a mnemonic impression, not some dramatic double, but someone scared. Someone holding Nick back.

Or something.

“Nick, you can’t pretend like this is why you want to leave,” I stated, grabbing his files from him forcefully. “These people? A lot of them are victims of the Institute. You know it. I know it. They’re lost causes unless I go in there and do what I have to do.”

“Then do it!” He snarled, for the first time showing real anger. I had never seen him so tense. “Just don’t expect me to stick around and watch you kill yourself while doing it, okay? I’ve had enough!”

My hands balled into fists at my side as I tried with all of my might to hold back my tongue. Settlers from around the vicinity were watching, and I’m sure many of them would be talking about this later. Usually Nick wanted to avoid scenes like this, finding them juvenile, but I guess even the clockwork detective can get worked up.

“What is your problem?” I grimaced, “First you act like you want to leave and then, I don’t know, try to guilt me for asking you to come along - which you never complained about before! - then-”

“I didn’t-”

“Let me finish.” I snapped. “Then you go and say stuff like that, saying you care about me and all too, what, distance yourself? You’ve been acting weird ever since you-!”

I stopped myself. I glanced around and saw more settlers peering in. They didn’t need to know. It was none of their business.

Nick was quiet. He wasn’t even looking at me, his eyes fixated to some random spot on the ground. Did he even want to look at me?

“Come on,” I sighed, “let’s just go inside and talk about this. I’m sure we can figure something out.”

I watched as he considered this carefully. Finally, after some time, he shoved his hands in his pockets and quietly uttered a “lead the way.”

-

The floorboards creaked beneath my feet. Back where it all happened, only a few nights ago, only this time with less candlelight. Sunshine streamed through the gaps in the walls and windows, leaving dust particles to float in the air around us. I sat down at the table in the far corner, waiting for Valentine to join me at this table. I placed his files down as he took his spot across from me, avoiding eye contact all the while.

We didn’t speak. It wasn’t quiet - you could hear children playing outside. After a moment, though, Valentine finally relented.

“I’m sorry.”

I sighed, leaning his way across the table. He flinched, so I stopped and folded my hands on the table instead.

“It’s fine. I mean, I’ve never seen you cause a scene like that before, but I’d say with everything that’s been happening it’s understandable.”

“I meant about the other night.”

Again, we didn’t speak. I relented this time.

“It’s fine. Honestly.”

“No, it’s not,” he stated, “I’m not one to normally keep how I feel to myself when something’s wrong, but this subject is...delicate. To say the least.”

“Alright, well I’m not delicate. So, spill.” I said.

Nick shifted in his chair, before making very clear and focused eye contact with me. I couldn’t look away, either because I didn’t want to seem dismissive or because I was enraptured. I couldn’t figure out which.

“What I did was out of line. I took advantage of your situation and made a move that I shouldn’t have. I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the past few days, and the more I think about it, the more confused I get. I decided that it would be best for the both of us to split up until I can figure out what’s wrong with me. I didn’t want to say it because I didn’t want to stir up what happened again and make things worse, so I thought insisting I leave would work. I guess I forgot that you don’t take no for an answer.”

I smiled a bit. I never was one for not getting what I want.

“And after I did…what I did…” He trailed, his eyes not leaving me, but instead searching for the right phrasing, the right expression.

“Nick, you can say what happened. It’s not the boogeyman.” I sighed, “You kissed me. We kissed. It happened.”

I could see him grow tense, but his eyes never left mine. Nervously my fingers played with one of his case files again. He didn’t speak, so I decided to.

“Do you...genuinely feel that way? Or was that on a whim?” I asked, breaking the eye contact and looking at the case file in my hands. I didn’t actually read it, but it made me feel a little more comfortable.

I don’t know what answer I wanted, or if I even wanted one at all. I just wanted my friend. I wanted Nick.

“Well…” he spoke carefully, picking up a different case file, “that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out myself.”

I nodded, not sure what else to say. I put down the case file, looking up at him.

“For me,” I began, “in case you were wondering, I had never really thought of you like that before.”

“I didn’t expect you to.” He sighed, “I don’t know why I-”

“But,” I interrupted, pulling down the case file in his hand so that he could see me, “that doesn’t mean that I was upset. I wasn’t. I think...I was more upset when you blew me off after.”

His eyes searched my face as if trying to see that I was telling the truth, before looking down at the table again.

“I liked it.” I said, taking the file from him and adding it back into the pile, “I mean it was really poorly timed, but I...I like you, Valentine. And I don’t see why we shouldn’t maybe try-”

“No.” Nick scolded, turning his head away. “We can’t do this.”

“What?” I blinked. “I thought that you...you were the one who kissed me.”

“And I shouldn’t have.” He sighed, standing up.

“I don’t get why you’re making this difficult.”

“Because I don’t think you realize what you’re asking for.” He removed his trench coat, revealing normal suspenders, black slacks, and a button up. But through a few holes of the button-up revealed exposed pieces, wires, cogs. Not many, but enough. His sleeves rolled up, I could see his damaged arm more clearly. He was displaying these to discourage me.

“I’m a synth. Not only that, but I’m an old synth. A junked-out prototype. You don’t want this.” Nick took out a cigarette and held it in his hands, examining it before lighting and taking a hit.

“What if I don’t care that you’re a synth?” I objected. “You being a synth shouldn’t matter. I care about you more than anyone else I’ve met since I’ve crawled out of that vault. You mean something to me. And that kiss...there was something there. I felt it. Didn’t you feel it?”

“I know what you think you felt,” Nick shook his head, “but it just wouldn’t work.”

“Why not?”

A small, bitter laugh rose from him.

“Where should I start?”

Frustrated, I pushed my chair out from the table and walked over to him.

“Start from the beginning. Reason number one.”

“Alright,” he began, “I’m just an old machine for starters. I have gears, pulleys, sprockets. I’m not…normal.”

“That doesn’t bother me,” I replied, defiantly crossing my arms over my chest.

“How about the fact that you’re a recent widow? Isn’t that taking advantage of you?” He flicked some ash from his cigarette carelessly.

“Not sure how recent sixty years is, Nick.” I shook my head, “Look, I’ve been dealing with his death every day for the past few months. I’m fine now. It doesn’t hurt nearly as much.”

“Fine, then how about the fact that if we did this, and we did this all the way through, you would grow old and I wouldn’t? Because I’m a synth and you’re not?”

I considered this. After a moment of deliberation, I took the cigarette from his hand and took a drag.

“We’ll figure that out when we get to it. It’s as simple as that.”

A small smile showed on his face. “You know smoking kills, right?”

I put out the cigarette on the table beside us, looking up at him.

“Why else wouldn’t we work?”

His eyes stared intensely into mine, and at that moment I could see him again: my Nick, searching for answers, for clues. Was I serious? I wasn’t even sure in the moment despite the deep urgency pushing through my gut. I was just doing what I wanted to for once, no inhibitions. Living in the moment. What else could you do in the wasteland? Given everything I’d been through, I was overdue for a little living.

“Well, because it wouldn’t be easy for you. You’d have a lot of people giving you the side eye for as long as we’re together.” He said.

Carefully I pulled myself closer to him, moving his hands to rest on my hips as we gently moved closer and closer. I didn’t know what I was doing, but he didn’t pull away. It felt right.

“I already have people side eyeing me for being a vault-dweller,” I smirked, “so that’s a piece of cake.”

My hands rested on his shoulders as we relaxed into this. Our faces were so close, I could feel his breath against my nose.

“Anything else you can think of?” I smiled.

He didn’t smile back. Not because he didn’t want to - his eyes were smiling at me - but because he was processing this. I could see it.

Nick considered this for a long while, before - finally - a smile cracked onto the old dick’s face.

“Because you are a lot older than me.”

I laughed, grabbing either side of his face before gently pulling it down to bring his lips to mine. This kiss was softer somehow, with his thumbs gently brushing my cheeks. When we finally broke apart, our foreheads leaning against each other for support, I couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Well, I don’t mind being the cradle robber if you don’t mind being with a 200-year-old lady.” I smiled.

“Somehow I don’t think I’d be too put off by it,” He chuckled, before placing his lips to my forehead.

“Sorry to cause you so much trouble.” He whispered.

“Shut up,” I smiled, placing another quick kiss to his lips.

And with that, I relaxed into his arms as we held onto each other - just him and me, natural and free. I sighed, feeling him rub my arm for support.

“So, now that we’ve gotten my belly-aching out of the way,” He said, resting his chin on the top of my head, “what _are_ we going to do about the Institute?”

I closed my eyes and saw him again. Shaun. Not my Shaun, but at the same time very much my Shaun. I trembled.

“I’m going to have to take them down, no matter what.” I said, “I’m just hoping my favorite clockwork dick will keep me company?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fanfiction I've written in years so I'm a little rusty. Thank you for reading!  
> (Note: I know in the game you have no side effects from traveling but I thought it would be interesting/more realistic to have some kind of effect since she is prewar and her body isn't used to such focused, probably nuclear, energy.)


End file.
